Reality Check

I apologize ahead of time for those of you who might find this post gross or offensive.

I debated back and forth whether I should post today's picture or not.  This debate has been an internal one.  Something I have asked for nobody's input on.

You see, I want to give you a complete insight into what it is I feel I am up against.  I am up against my years of apathy.  Years of indifference, and letting myself go.  It took a long time for me to learn to hate who I am, so it will take a long time for me to get overt it, change and come out on the other side for the better.  

Today, February 14th, 2013, I go on record as showing you who I really am.  What I have truly become.  I am a sum of my parts.  These parts, are for the most "part" pretty large and disgusting.  I am ashamed of what I have let myself become.  This is nobody's fault but my own.  I harbor no ill will towards anyone but myself.

I want to become a better person.  I want to look better.  I want to feel better.  I am in the opening volleys of taking baby steps to improve my quality of life.  It will take a long time.  I will suffer setbacks.  I will have days when I feed my fat face with Hagen Daaz ice cream.  I will feel guilty, and shame myself for doing so.

I will also achieve victories.  Shit, I walked three miles today on my bullshit bum right foot.  Sure I had to slow down a bit to accomplish the goal, but I persevered.  I did it.  Yawlp!  I'm fucking proud of that accomplishment.  Does it make me better than anyone else?  HELL NO!  It does make me better than me, which is something I want to do everyday.  I want to be better then me.

I will overcome.  I can do it.  I can improve for me and those around me.  Life might suck from time to time, however at the end of the day, it's only me who can make it better.

I am going on record today...  Showing you who / what I truly have become, and stating that it needs to get better.  I need to get better.  I want to.  I will.  It will be a long road, and the results will come slowly, but, by sticking to it, I can drag myself out of this funk, slim the fuck down, and feel better about myself.  Once I do that, then I can truly get on with my life.

The following picture is pretty gross, so once again, I apologize, and mean no offense.  I simply need to know that this is out there, publicly, and front-facing.  By this day next year, this picture needs to change.  How much of it needs to change is still out there, and I don;t have an answer for any of that right now.  But, suffice it to say - I need to take up less square footage of the mirror I stand in front of in one year.  That's for certain.  I can and will succeed. I have to, or else, I am dooming myself to an early grave, and my daughter to a longer period of her life without her dad.  That is something I can't allow to happen.  Nay - that is something I won't allow to happen.

I am also going on record, here today, that I am determined to begin playing Foot Hockey again by this time next year.  It was super fun when I used to play, and it was great exercise as well.  

Without further ado, It is my displeasure to introduce you to...

ME.

02/14/2013